sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
