Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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