In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
