omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
