My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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