apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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