Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
