I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
