The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
