Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
