Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
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