but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
