Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
