At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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