we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
