you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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