he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
