They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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