Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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