I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
