R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
only if we run a train.
done.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
