guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
