even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
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