then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
why do cheetos always look like penises
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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