I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
