It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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