do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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