How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
