The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
