Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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