I haven't been this sober since birth.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
