I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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