I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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