Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
