Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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