i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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