Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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