I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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