Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
