you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
