Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
