You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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