guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Shame - the story of my life.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
