i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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