It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
