It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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