I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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