I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
