I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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