so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
